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emotion

april 6, 2001

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Flurry I'm right now experiencing what may be my worst case of depression. Okay, you might not call it true depression, but what the hey. I'm feeling pretty down. Strangely enough, I'm also feeling a bit happy and a bit angry.

It's like paint mixing on a pallete. Blue tinged with a streak of bright yellow and a touch of red.

Why am I depressed?, you ask. A lot of things. I'm primarily mad at myself for slacking off. Of course, I know that I can't do anything about that, so depression sets in. I feel like I'm a hopeless case. I seem to keep on making the same mistakes. (Don't worry, I don't commit some mistakes twice. You know what I mean, L.)

Of course, the tinge of happiness is there because I feel like I can actually change and that I have no reason to give up on myself. Besides, I have found my inspiration. And no, I won't give you the details. It's a "for me to know, you to find out" kind of thing.

Of course, if you've been talking to me recently, you might have a clue.

Head over heart I've always believe you have to think before doing anything. However, I sometimes find myself doing something before thinking about it.

Like this one time, at band camp...

Anyway, as I was saying. Emotions are a powerful force that sometimes you can't help but give in to them.

Did I reach that conclusion by meditating quietly by myself on a lonely cliffside somewhere?

No, actually I watched it on the Discovery channel.

Jazz I'm listening to Miles Davis' record Kind of Blue (Columbia/Legacy 1959). Soothing music. Especially now that I'm pretty depressed. Listening to Miles Davis play that horn...

If you didn't know by now, I'm pretty much into jazz. Actually, I'm new to the genre, so I'm a bit inexperienced as fans go.

Actually, what I enjoy about jazz is its improvisation. And the fact that the music demands that you immerse yourself into the melody and the rhythm and harmony— amazing. Also, I like the way jazz has that swing peculiar to it.

Besides, it looks good on paper— Music: jazz.

Links-a-plenty If you're female, try visiting this site. I haven't checked, but you could send the link via email to a particular male friend. Better visit the site before jumping to conclusions, though.

I've also been browsing web designs and I therefore conclude that there are a lot of better designers than me.

If you have a good connection to the Net (about 56K), visit Sito. It's pretty much an art site, featuring digital artwork. They have this very intriguing piece called Gridcosm— basically an image which you can "zoom" into. You have to see it to understand what I mean.