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I'm annoyed at myself. I've suddenly become self-conscious about what I post here. Instead of expressing my thoughts freely, I am preoccupied with fitting myself into the expectations of my audience (whoever that audience may be).
I've lost the real reason I started this site. This site, after all, is an expression of my opinions and my thoughts. It is an ongoing narrative of how I think and how I feel about my life here in Metro Manila
That's what I feel I've lost. My recent entries, I feel, are contrived and forced.
Sometimes I wonder whether I should have started this thing in the first place.
There's a word in Filipino that describes a person who can't quite approach the opposite sex: torpe. What goes on in a torpe guy's mind? What does he think? What does he feel?
If you were courted by such a guy (oh, what a sight!), how would you feel? I'm referring to the females there in the crowd...
I was in Pasig this morning, at the Power Up climbing gym. I was talking to one of the climbers I know. He was what you would call a veteran. He had gone through several relationships already. We were discussing courtship, etc.
The conversation turned to torpe guys. In his opinion, torpe equates to being weak. For him, it was a sign of weakness, a sign of a lack of self-confidence. Which made a lot of sense.
"You have to be confident (but not too much) when you court someone," he stated with finality.
Of course that set a lot of thoughts in my head...
The whole thing made me wonder about courting and courtship. Is it just a dance of hormones and pheromones? What about love? Should we take ourselves seriously?
I seriously don't think it's just a series of chemicals and electric impulses in the brain. Maybe it goes beyond that. After all, we haven't yet understood the whole of the human psyche.
Do we really need a partner in life? A spouse, a girlfriend, a lover?
Then again, if the human race didn't pair up, we wouldn't have flourished.