epiphany

may 21, 2001

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Hey, you there reading this page. What do you think? Send me your thoughts by signing my guestbook.

Restless

The other night, I couldn't get to sleep. My mind was wandering, restless. I had to write, I told myself. I jumped out of bed, got my journal, and went to the kitchen where I proceeded to write.

My pen scratched furiously at the page in front of me. Before long, I had filled two pages.

I was bothered by my second semester in college. Whenever I remember the first few days, this feeling of excitement always accompanied it. It was a feeling everyone has when he goes through a new and exciting event in his life.

But my memories of the second semester were always accompanied by a feeling that I've been through it before, even if I didn't.

Maybe I felt jaded by it all. I got weary of college so fast that I never realized that I've never experienced college before. I was lulled into the doldrums of routine and monotony, that I never realized that college was something to relish, something new to experience— something that wasn't ordinary.

Journal

I wrote furiously for half an hour. I filled up both sides of two pages of my journal. Finally, I stopped. I read what I had just written. Satisfied, I went back to sleep.

I've kept a journal for five years now. At first, it was just a small notebook where I gushed about a crush I had in seventh grade. It was quite ridiculous, and it was quite shallow. I debated with myself whether to call the damned thing a journal or a diary. Diary sounds so... girly.

That notebook evolved into several volumes. Thoughts about my crush evolved to thoughts about myself, my life— eventually, I just wrote what I thought at any particular moment in time.

I still keep a journal. I try to write every night. It's an outlet of sorts for me.

However, talking to people about what you think (and getting feedback on your thoughts) is a wholly different experience from just writing your thoughts down.

Guestbook

Belated thanks to the people who signed my guestbook. Thanks to Manong, Matt, Athena, Clarissa, CKenni, Trish, Mela, Hogi, Reggie, Noelle, Lee-Lee, Kate, and Paolo. I've gotten too narcissistic for my own good.